I always had a thing for sparse highways. Jackie always loved when the roads were empty, he said it made him feel like a swimmer. I never got behind that. A road with nobody on it means you’re driving without witnesses. I felt free whenever I sped down a lonely road, so I knew where Jackie was comin’ from, but I never felt quite as free as when there were onlookers in the other lane. Checking the speedometer was for pussies. Lookin' in the rearview was too. But lookin' at the driver in the cube car as I careened towards Heaven, that was a distraction worth takin’ my eyes off the road.
There’s a power in their look. It’s a fuel source. You chip away at that notion of safety they covet. The idiotic idea they’ve all got, thinkin’ that there’s a car between me and them. There’s metal. Not that I’d ever run anyone down, at least, I don’t think I would. I’m just sayin’ that they don’t realize what a road’s really worth. I catch that glance for milliseconds at a time, the perfect moment in which my eyes lock with theirs before my ride barrels on, and I know I’ve made a dent in their mind.
Sometimes, I don’t get exactly what I want. I can see that they’re surprised, but they’re angry more than anything. They’re upset that I’m being such an ass. The idea that hey, I could veer you off the road in a heartbeat, that doesn’t overpower their own self-righteous cause to tell me what an ass I am. I could hurt somebody. Some of these people honk, like I’ll even be able to hear that over the horses. I don’t like it when they do this. I feel cheated. There is one silver lining, one beautiful fact that doesn’t end my high prematurely. I didn’t get ‘em today, but someone will. One day, someone’s gonna let that holy prick know the reality of things. Metal separates you and me. That’s all it is. I couldn’t get that through your thick skull, but you’ll learn it eventually. I made it just a little easier for whoever tries to teach you the lesson next.
One time, I got a little too big for my britches. I built up a bit more speed than necessary, and I skidded down an off ramp into some podunk plot of land. The car willed itself into a parking lot. I didn’t understand how, or at least at the time I didn’t, but I’ve come to understand it nowadays. The good Lord wouldn’t let me crash before I saw this day through. I already knew that much at the time, but I figured it was just His way of awarding a man of faith for his determined nature. Now, I realize it was because He wanted to make sure I went out the proper way. With witnesses.
I stumbled out of the caddy, looking up to the establishment that I found myself in the presence of. It had a flat roof, white walls, and no signs. “AL’S CANTEEN” was painted on one wall in pure black. Strangely enough, the bars covering the windows were pristine. I didn’t see the slightest bend in any one of ‘em. There weren't even any rust.
I kicked the door open. Force of habit. It was a shithole in there, with a low light that hid most faces from me. The kinda lighting that was meant to keep folk anonymous from one another. Nobody wanted to admit they were here. I sauntered through the place, someone queued up a jukebox diddy, but the poor thing’s speakers were so blown out that I couldn’t tell what they were playing. It felt sacrilegious, hearing that machine wheeze through the song. It didn’t make much sense to me why people still put it through the hardship. Show some damn respect.
I heard a cough from behind me, and I swiveled around to see someone sitting on a barstool. It was hard to make ‘em out in that light, but I didn’t have to see everything to know who I was lookin’ at.
“Jesus, Jackie, did you at least sue the bus driver who did that to your face?”
That’s what I wanted to say. I planned it all out. See, I hadn’t seen Jackie in my entire life. For as long as I rode the Earth, I never met my true best friend. I knew him from before all this. Back when the two of us were nothin’ more than mildewy essence. Oh, we had a wonderful time as mildew. The most fun you could ever have bein’ anything at all. We rolled and we swayed and we rocked and we mostly swayed but I promise you there was never anything to it. It was all so natural. It felt like I knew Jackie long before even that. However far back things go, that’s where I felt we first met. When my mama first held me in her arms, I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes. I didn’t wanna see her. I didn’t wanna let Jackie go.
I roamed and I wandered, lookin’ for him. All my life, I’d been thinkin’ of introductions. What I’d finally tell him when I saw him for the first time. I had a whole speech all planned out, once. It got beaten outta me over the years. I took what I remembered and I shortened it down to about a paragraph, but the bastards kicked that outta me, too. I settled for just a sentence. Something short and succinct. I didn’t know what Jackie looked like, just what he felt like. It was hard, comin’ up with something to say to a feeling. I decided on one thing. Wherever Jackie was, I knew he looked a helluva lot like me. And I looked like the most broken man. I stood in front of the mirror, must’ve been hours before I left that bathroom. I stood and I looked and I talked to myself as if I were Jackie. I tried out all the lines, every one I could think of. I didn’t wanna leave nothin’ to chance. I’d been waiting for longer than life itself to meet Jackie. If you were me, you’d be picky too.
I saw Jackie sittin there, working down a beer there on his stool. The damn lights made it impossible to really get a good look at him, but I knew it had to be my ol’ buddy Jackie. I saw myself, like I was lookin’ at a fogged up mirror after a good shower. All the particulars were missin’, but you couldn’t mistake the figure. Jackie didn’t seem to recognize me. I didn’t take offense to it, I’d been through a lot in my day, so maybe the idea Jackie had of me got real scrambled-like since he first thought me up.
“Jesus, Jackie, did y-”
I got no further in my introduction before Jackie whipped his beer bottle across my head. I didn’t feel it, but the blood told me that it hurt. We both didn’t do much talkin’ after that. I grabbed him by his hair, and I headbutted him clean across the nose. Jackie stumbled off his stool, and we brawled out of the canteen into the parking lot.
I knew I found the right man. Every time he hit me, I lurched back in time. I felt myself intertwined with how we used to be. When I hit him, I could tell he was goin’ through the very same thing. We fought and we fought and we swayed and we moved and we fought some more and I swear to Christ I never felt anything so easy. Jackie came rushin’ after me, slammin’ me onto the hood of my own car. I was splayed out on the windshield, trying to regain my bearings, but he hopped up on the hood and stood over me.
“Tell me.” Jackie said.
“What separates you from the ground?”
“It sure as shit ain’t no car.”
I let out a laugh. My cackle rang out through the holes in my smile.
“You got that right, Jackie. It ain’t no car.”
“It’s metal.”
“Metal keeps me from the ground.”
Jackie leaned down, he grabbed me by my shirt and he held me up to his face.
“What makes you think I can’t put you through this? Huh?”
He spat at me. Spittle ran out of his mouth and dribbled down his chin.
“There is nothing made of man’s design that could keep me from sending you into the Earth.”
He slammed me down into the glass.
“Don’t look at me like that. Who the fuck do you think you are?”
He punched me across the jaw.
“I will make you into a widowed fawn. I will slaughter the idea of you. You are sick. A nameless, red-eyed hobo, trying to get handouts in my fucking town. You don’t scare me. I don’t even know who you are. Who are you to me?”
“I-”
He slammed me against the windshield again.
“Do you know who I am to you? I ain’t your friend, and I ain’t your Jackie. I’m your reminder. I’m your wake-up call to understand one thing: You’re one step from death every time you leave the house. Do you know why? Because people like me know you’re out. People like me know you're coming for what's mine. You're coming for what's mine, ain't cha? You want what's mine? Fuck you. You can have my words, and whatever specks of my blood made it onto your clothes. You want anything else? You'll have to get up and try again."
Jackie let go of my shirt, hopped off the car, and walked back through the door of Al’s Canteen. I hobbled up off my hood, and I slowly got back in my caddy. I tried to start it up, but the engine wouldn't get goin'. I decided to hoof it. I limped down the streets of this nothin' town, tryin' to find my way back to the highway. I walked for days and days without rest, and eventually I had to take a breather in an alley. I vomited up bits of Jackie onto the floor. I leaned up against a dumpster, and I collapsed down into my own spew. I never felt anything even half as good. I closed my weary eyes, and I dreamt of the parking lot where I found my best friend.
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